Torianna O. G.
Most fathers love their daughters
And most daughters love their fathers.
Most fathers protect their daughters
And most daughters feel safe because of their fathers.
Most fathers stay with their daughters
And most daughters never fear abandonment.
Most fathers set good examples for their daughters
And most daughters know the difference between a boy and a man.
However, you and I aren’t like most fathers and daughters.
You never loved me
And if you did, then you didn’t love me as much as your drugs.
Your next fix.
I loved you a long time ago.
And then one day I woke up and I didn’t.
I hated you.
Over time though,
I learned that I can still love you as much as I hate you.
My hate and love for you is like an unhealthy balancing act
That fathers and daughters like us practice in our own kind of fucked up circus.
I love you because you are my father.
But I hate you because your DNA runs through my veins.
You broke my heart before any other man could.
It’s kind of ironic though,
You were supposed to protect me from anyone who even tried to do so.
You should of protected me like a real father.
You should have protected me from yourself.
And because you didn’t, I will never be able to fully trust another man.
I will consistently feel uncertainties,
I will always wonder if he will cheat on me the way you cheated on my mom.
I will always wonder if he will choose a drink over me.
Or favor a high rather than our lives together.
I will worry if he decides to go for walk and not ever come back.
I will fear him when he is angry
Because he might take it out on me
The way you took your anger out on my mom.
I will never be able to fully trust a man
Because of what you did to me.
How the hell am I supposed to fall in love with somebody?
Dad, you ruined me.
I’m going to die lonely.
And that scares me.
I want somebody.
I want somebody on the days where it feels like I have nobody.
I don’t want to die lonely.
Maybe, you did.
But I don’t.
You got your wish,
But I don’t want anything like this.
But that is just the benefits of our father-daughter relationship.
We share DNA, habits, and fates.