Everyone tells me that I am a shoe, and I agree. They tell me I will only ever be a shoe. I chuckle and say, “I know.” All of my life I have been a shoe, but maybe I don’t want to be a shoe anymore.
People are shocked now. They tell me that I am a shoe, but now I tell them, “Not for long.” The surprise on their faces fuels me to change. The immediate doubt that radiates next destroys that fuel faster than it arose.
What could I ever be? I only know how to be a shoe, that is all I have ever been. I am so accustomed to being a shoe that I don’t even have an idea where I could begin to change. No one knows how to help me because, like me, no one else has ever tried to change. I am alone.
The longer that I am a shoe, everyone’s disbelief in me ever changing grows. It grows in me, too. Maybe I am a shoe. Maybe I will always be a shoe.
I am a shoe. I am a shoe, I am a shoe, I am a shoe! Why can’t I accept the fact that I always will be a shoe? Everyone around me accepts what they are; it can’t be that hard, can it? This feeling that I can be so much more than a shoe will not go away.
I am not a shoe. I can and I will change.
It’s happening. I applied for a job in my dream field. Everyone was doubting me and what I can do, but this is it! I am proving them wrong. So wrong. I am making this happen for myself.
Emotions are in waves. “I am changing. It’s happening and it is so good,” is what I think. In those moments I am on top of the world. Those moments are the best. Then suddenly it will go back to “Why do I think I can change? I am me. I’ve been this way all my life; I cannot change.” The lows are often and the highs are seldom. The lows are so low, but the highs are so high.
It has been six days since I applied for the job, and I just received a callback and I have an interview tomorrow.
I got the job! I am outrageously excited. This is proving myself. Not only to my peers but to myself. I am believing in myself. I am so proud, although everyone around me is disapproving of what I am doing.
It’s been a while. I changed. I am no longer a shoe. I am now a handbag. I proudly can say that I have changed. At first, my peers were uncomfortable, but now they accept what I have become. I am proud of them too, for changing. Just from them accepting me once I changed, means that they changed. Before, they would not have done that. Individually, some of them are trying to change, all because of me. I showed them that it is ok to change, and that is exactly what they are doing. I am a movement. I was once a shoe, but now I am a handbag.